Oppression I think is when everything that so bad that you
can't figure out how to make it any better.
I would say that depression runs for all different ages of people
and probably the young you're younger you are you express it differently as
opposed to when you get older your express it in a more mature way.
A bank it becomes an help the one you just continually feel sad all
the time
is likely to come in a state of depression. So if you have a temporary
is okay, but continuously always always
know I was always the sale of a sudden that
the difference between depression.
Is that even when you sat this still some the cannot about
but not with the press.
You really can't tell when someone's the press people put on us as they may look
happy we're really at this sad and depressed so very difficult
to just look at a person and Soledad to press you make a look at
first, it is sad to see a bit depressed very difficult.
Welcome to reality Avenue my name is Patrick Thomas and I'm a family Council
with the Broward County public school board.
I mean he would and I'm a family counselor the Office of prevention
programs as well.
And today's topic is on depression and anger who really controls the emotion,
the pressure in anger is a serious problem because so many people is
affected either directly or in directly that if left
untreated it can become deadly foe today we're going to make sure that we provide
the root cause of this problem and will have a chance to hear from an expert who
also provide essential skills in dealing with this issue and will
also hear from all those who had a chance to deal with depression
and anger on a personal level.
You may wonder what is the connection between depression and anger, they
sometimes seem so different, but in fact not only can the Cosby very
similar but the root of it is the Saints. The cars
can be environmental something happens in your life or could be filed chemical,
something that you're born with but you root cause is
always pain
Payne underlies the Depression and pain underlies anger and our inability
to handle them. Well can lead to long-term profit.
The students are going to discuss today their experience with depression,
anger and they're going to start by talking about what exactly is the
difference between just being sad and being truly depressed.
I think you can tell the difference between being said and being depressed
because sadness is very for temporary
easy to get over like whenever I've been I truly depressed
it's everything just get high Ling up and piling up in this little us things
and you don't want to do anything is the way around it you don't want to do
anything I never called anyone never went out anywhere and that just made
everything worse and it ends up just
being like we're still a ways and yet
many feel like horrible. No like you can't never get
out of it and then when you're sad, it's just you're sad, but things that make
you happy.
And that people do get confused between being really sad and
being totally depressed yeah.
They just start to become a real problem when you basically just shut down your
whole life like you stop doing things that you would normally do just like
maybe eating are going out to the mall with your friends and just basically
shut down your life it just starts to become a problem because it is adds more
to the problem you just I mean if you're depressed in the news stopping
out your friends. I know, you know, I'm going to be depresses you know whatever,
but it's just I think that's when it becomes. The biggest problem is when you
start doing normal things. Guy.
I've got I know that when I'm depressed the best thing I can do is lay
just do other activities to keep by my that thing and then
after a while I start to see that you know other things in life to make me
happy on that one thing.
I think like some real roots signs of the causes of a
real depression, the would be. A major death in the family.
I've known someone who there. Dad and mom died and
he is whole world he just
their lead like the press he didn't do anything he barely a you know
this you know they had a like can be you
know that make him go to school after a while and it was just horrible.
I think I think death is obviously a major factor of depression
or divorce. Or says a big factor in depression and it's so
bad because so many people are getting divorced that more teens have to go
through it and that just adds the Depression.
Most the time that the like it's their fault or something in the family
yesterday, they tend to think that that the reason that their parents got
divorced and they feel like they're the problem, the whole world.
I think feeling worthlessness like I'm good for nothing
are that in the future going to be a failure things like that cross your
mind all the time as a teenager all got and 10 more years on
can imagine we're going to be about not you know, you
know being a failure I think that thought and you accepting
that is what can cause depression. I think yeah
I think friendships can often cause depression to like especially
when your whole life is centered around somebody a trust, the
trust them and they've gone or or you don't have anybody to trust it can
be the exact opposite thing still are feeling that depression because there's
nobody there for you.
I think depression start off with the anger, I think with yourself that and
that's I think what yes it is anger with yourself.
When I was depressed I never felt angry,
I think they're better now who have did you feel angry it wasn't that I was
angry I would have I would have liked my moments where I would just get like so
frustrated with myself, but it was for me it was more of just feeling like
lonely and I yeah, but only not anglade lonely and it's kind
of worthless and it's like
you know what I do now.
You can start the Depression, but I think once you're depressed it's not
anger any more. It's kind of like empty.
One way you can almost get out of depression is realizing that that's not
the whole world like that helped me a lot when I was depressed that's
not everything is there's more to life than just getting a
good one good great or failing a test isn't the end of the world that. And
that's what's hard for people to realize that that's that's their end of the
world and we have to realize is that it's not yet of the world, I can't
really personally relate to being depressed for long periods of time but
one thing I can relate to is knowing people who and why and
something they do is. Looking back at themselves and say
I'm not going to let this rest of my life, you know I get up and do something
I want to go somewhere you know, I mean, and that's looking at the future and
looking at the present and living in the moment, I think are the things that
help somebody get out of depression or Biggs day of sadness.
I think setting goals and he even if it's not even.
An exact thing but setting setting
the fact that you can make yourself feel accomplished yet something.
Yeah I think having a dream like I think a lot of the exact thing. Yes,
like an idea of OK I'm going to do this one day you not need to set a data
I'm going but this the exact time when you had the press, though you don't
really feel like doing anything that you know, I'd have the food
in front of me and I'd look at the board and I try to meeting and I thought was
done haven't decided yet but ask us did when I saw I felt like
the board you know why am I even bothering you know, and you look at
everything and you know it's not that you don't want to do better. You just
don't care too you know you feel like it doesn't make any sense so you don't have
any will does I mean that's that's part of the problem of depression is I
think a lot of it like he said setting a goal the problem is that
they don't have a goals leaving the SCA
like they have to them exactly they feel like they have no reason to live and
because they don't have goals as letting goal that you can set a goal I think
that that can advance it, I think they don't want to bother them set goals
because they're afraid that they can accomplish. Yeah.
So was it a go if you're never going to accomplish it that's why you have to
really step back and look at yourself if you read it unless you really want to
stay that way.
The one thing you can do is just go out
because staying and it makes it so much more depressed and you don't want to go
out, but I think we should force yourself to get so out for shut up and
get out of that takes actually take a back seat to realize there's a lot of.
Bigger than letting your hair and say here one of the prisons
as a
and then once you get there you really do exist, and they don't realize it
until you actually do it I think basically they don't want to have fun so
when they go there they just like. Well might as well just sit here
and well in my self pity because you know I'm worthless I can
have fun with it and
I think the biggest thing those that to truly realize that you are depressed
have that will to want to get out of that the that's the first step aside as
yes, yes, because I mean you know just like all the sun on the go to the movies
or on the nugget out is that you have to realize you are depressed you have to
find that will shake the actually go out and do that stuff.
I think parents have to pay attention to their children yet and realize when
they're not feeling good about himself and hold them because that's all they
want they want somebody to help them. I talked to or understand
it doesn't help when your parents as you're too young or you don't know what
real depression is makes you feel bad about yourself because
you're like well, if I'm not the press than what I don't.
I think you reach the point of sadness and depression when you know you need to
get help is when you have everything in your life is just horrible, you don't
feel like doing anything everything that you love is basically disgusting
to you. And you don't want to be with the and the people that you love all the
time and you feel like you just want it, you know some people feel like they want
to kill themselves and some people feel like other some people feel
like they're a waste of space and are you. I thing if you saw obviously
start feeling suicidal or it's affecting you health wise like you don't
eat that obviously it's time to get some help
when helping somebody with their front depression. I think you should just
talked to them don't jump to any conclusions don't tell them that they're
wrong for feeling a certain way you just call them to know that
everybody feels that way everybody has just because it's still been a motion.
Every at least 20 other people feel the same way you do you have to help
them understand that they're not the only one and you can get through hard
times you didn't do it. And just letting them know that you're there is probably
one of the biggest things you can do even if you don't help at all if as long
as they know them well, the air to vent to or anything it will stop
the suicide of I mean people that want to commit suicide feel like been
there done nothing in the world and if you let somebody know you're there it
can prevent that from happening just basically.
Force yourself to understand even if it's like some kind of silly situation
is force yourself to understand because don't as to
just be like you know, you know why even bothering being depressed possesses can
even add on to get more. And when you are depressed talking honestly
does help I is probably the Basin and you realize what I saw
when I was depressed when I would talk about it, I realized the problems
weren't really that big of an issue and after I said them out loud in my head,
they were huge they were bringing that I didn't want to do anything because of
that after I said that I realized how ridiculous some of them are.
So what was your main motivation to to
ask the board to talk to people for help.
The God made you want to just goal and to say I'm going to try to get
of this.
It wasn't really a I'm going to try to get out of this it was a
as after it started slowly getting out of out to get by I realized I was
depressed yes, but it didn't make the decision to stop being depressed I was
slowly coming out of the Depression and then I realized how much happier I was
getting how much better at belt and then that's when I started saying OK this is
what I want to do I talk to people open up, you know. So maybe
it isn't a conscious decision maybe maybe not.
OK now going to be happy I might try to I don't think it can be I don't
think it's a like a switch, yeah, it's just something that you have to in time
realize that yes somehow over com.
I really enjoy with the group have to Shep what stood out is how they had a
clear understanding of the oppression and anger often time
people assume that the press in an anger is something that you can snap out of
and that's not the case if the process is slow journey. You have
to actively engage itself in overcoming depression and anger.
A woman who is willing to share her journey with us through depression is
tomorrow at tomorrow suffered a loss of her mother very early in life
and this caused a depression.
Her family handled it and helped her heal really affected how long
it took.
She's going to share with us now her journey and her story and how she coped.
I would say probably that the most marked a memory for purposes
of sadness would be the passing of my mother.
My mom died when I was about 10 and a half years old.
And the part of the details surrounding the death of my mother were interesting
in that I was so young that the rest of my family didn't feel comfortable
with me going to the funeral and being part of the entire experience
and I think that because of that because there was no dealing with the issues
and talking out loud with family members
with a me that I withdrew it took
me in many many years to bomb get in touch with those feelings I would
say that probably when I was 18.
I finally accepted and realized the ramifications of everything that
had gone on and dealt with it.
I think that over time I was able to find my inner strength
which would have been there earlier again if everything was talked about and
open on the table. So I did find my inner strength and
today of course I realize the benefits of it more so I can sort of say that to
the kids today who maybe don't realize it. The people who
stand up for what they believe in when they're younger might be outcasts when
they're younger other people might make fun of them. But those are the leaders
of our future and those of the people that I can make a difference because
they have a belief in the stand by it. I think also one of the really
important things that I realized is that I thought about my
I guess my parents or my mother and I thought to myself wow
how hard must it been for her to leave me
and not know you know both is going to go on with that.
So I think guy take a listen from that and I say to myself
site
that
I need to build on that. I'm a nanny to take her strength and
know that what you wanted for me was to succeed.
And open there.
I think that
the sadness month to deal with it is almost like one of
the tools that your that you carry in your backpack a minutes.
I sort of a look at this television show that's now on the Colombian.
It's a young show younger than for the audience that you're presenting this
too, but it's Dora the Explorer everyone knows who that is carries around a
backpack of what she considers her essential life tools so sort of
compare that I took suppose that with the adult experience and I think
so what is in this backpack of tools that you're carrying around so hopefully
if you work through the experiences that are wonderful ones and that are sent
once there's a little piece of that and this backpack that you're carrying
around and if you think about it the sad things that you've
worked through and that are in this backpack. Help you appreciate the
wonderful things because I think to myself wow how lucky I
am you know children my family home.
I'm miles to my was bravery and her willingness to share her story in
hopes of helping those that, although the issue you know it doesn't matter how
dock in gloomy a situation is it's how
you address those issues that will determine the negative outcome
on the positive outcome and in times of challenge often time you discover
your sense of resiliency and the strength that often time we possess.
We all have bad things happen to us we're all going to lose the ones we love
at some point and it's things that happened to us out of
our control so how we deal with it and the kind of help we received
from those that we love really determines how quickly will heal.
Doctor Jonathan Cohen is a clinical psychologist and he's going to explain
to us a little more and that the connection between anger and depression
and how we can help those we love who are coping with these difficult
emotions. He begins by exploring exactly
what its oppression and what is the difference between that and sadness.
Oppression is an overwhelming feeling that influences how we think
how we feel and we be how we behave seconds is something that we
all experience we feel sad about one breakup with a boyfriend. We
don't make a sports team. We don't do well on a test when
we see a movie or hear something the news that makes us and it's a normal
feeling that we feel and then it passes depression is different
depression differs in its intensity in its length and how
it affects our lives. Even if the
situation disappears to depression is still there.
Most people think of depression and anger as opposite depression
being more so the withdrawn less
energetic isolating and anger being right full of energy
out there in your face, but what I found working with kids is that the
feelings that underline each are very similar feelings of hurt
feeling misunderstood feeling not listen to feeling neglected
feeling discounted and a lot of times what will present is
the anger, especially in boys, it's a lot easier to get angry then
to deal with the underlying feelings of of of pain
so have the anger up here, but what's driving it, it usually feelings of
sadness depression hurt, and so the 2 are very similar.
You can get help when you're feeling overwhelmed by your feelings could be
the feelings of depression, anger, anxiety,
and it's interfering with how you want to live your life if it's I'm
going in visiting friends or going to a social event and you feel like you're
too nervous or too depressed to do it that's an indication that
that you're having a problem with with your emotions are emotions of
controlling new as opposed to you controlling your emotions
if you have thoughts of suicide, hurting yourself, it's an indication that you
need to get help if you find that you're not performing in the areas
that you will do want to do well and school sports a relationship
with others indication that he may need help if other people are telling
you are saying hey, you know, you know, you don't seem as happy as young as you
used to be or boy you really overreacted to that situation what's going
on. And a number of people are telling you that it's time to
to tune in and see if maybe you need some help.
If you feeling sad as I said for a little bit of time or you feeling,
angry for short period time. That's OK that's normal. But if
it just goes on too long and you feel stuck and you not living
the way that you want to that's the time to to get help.
Usually kids of the first ones to see
that something's wrong with their friend spend a lot of time with each other.
And they may see that their friends seems more withdrawn sadder than usual
is getting angrier getting into problems you know more than the than they
normally do what I would do is go up to your friend and let them know, you know,
I'm concerned I see some changes in U afraid about how things are
going really think that maybe you should talk to someone if the person is
hesitant about going to talk to someone say hey, you know, I'll go with you and
if you really feel uncomfortable. Ali even explain what's what's going on.
You want to reach out to your front now sometimes even when you reach out
they may say no it's no big deal, you know I don't want to talk with anyone.
Don't let it stop their K you have to do that and don't know even
if your friend doesn't want that in may be saving their life
if you're coming from a place of caring and concern you
not going to be wrong that's new friends look out for each other and that's
what you're doing.
The most important thing is listening to your children lot of times kids
will come to me because they don't feel like they're being heard what is being
misunderstood T want to take the time to talk with your children
now the timing of when you talk to your kids is really important you don't want
to do when they're angry or frustrated or earned just stressed out from a test.
You want to do it when they're calm things are more relaxed, I like doing it
around that time when kids get into that I talk with and that what's going
on during their day. I also like talking around dinner time
the family is all gathered people get to share about what went on during the day
that we find out a lot of information.
The other time and I'm not sure exactly why is when you're driving in the car
and maybe could you not looking directly at each other, so it's easy to talk
about things that may be bothering you
or so driving the cars it as a good time
and to start to talk to kids before their problems not when
they're just feeling depressed or angry or anxious.
The process of connecting with your kids and opening those lines of communication
start early on it.
So talk to your kids talk talk talk but most important listen to what they have
to say reflect back what's going in their lives and validate what
the feeling is real even if you may think oh it's it's it's it's not
important for then it is you want to do
it young because as the kids get older, what happens is sort of the doors close.
And it's very difficult to talk to them, but if you've laid the foundation
if you've connected with your kid at an
earlier age they're more likely to come to you when they have
a problem when they're older you for that connection you for mattress
that's that's most important and that's what's being a parent is about.
Throughout this program we heard time and time again how important it is to
acknowledge our motions to begin the process of healing
depression, anger is it something we all go through it's nothing to
be ashamed up often times it's a biochemical genetic cause
solace we ask for help we get on medication, we seek counseling.
We need to help those we love and never minimize the pain that they're it.
Another important point I mean to play for fun for the on is a fight that
the question and anger is not an end product. Often top of a look at
their fate of the question and they think that hey that's why am on the
press and that that I can come out of it that's not the case remember if the
process if the journey you have to actively engage us off
the whole process in order to overcome the president.
As we conclude we're going to hear from people on the street and find out from
them how did they fight depression and anger.
As we hear from them, I encourage you to think along and answer that
question yourself.
Exercising I'm hearing on strong relationships with others
and I'm doing things that better my self esteem,
running lots and lots of miles along the beach every flood victims.
And using music you always that what I call a taps
and this solves that when you filled out you can just turn along and
they just kind of you know just get another, I find it just kind of make you
think of the positive side of life we all knee those type of phone system
to lift the vote.
For further information or if you would care to attend a workshop about
this topic or any other shows please contact the Office of prevention
programs at 754-321-2568
or go to our website at Broward prevention dot org.