The person we're high set the scene to the be more successful in life.
President way los of us they may go down the wrong path and feel they need
to join something like a gang or something but support.
So the school is a away you feel about yourself, I mean is the
is the way someone looks in the mirror, the say without have
ever having to look in the mirror, it's the way the instead of senior tries you
see it with which are which are sold see what you're feeling.
It was important because of the tone of this in the 7th after
so how high you can get to in the intelligence you can
be.
Very knowledgeable about that because of the low you tend to take.
Like a bad ground and everything 15 is how you years
now.
The obstacles and the situations that you've been in.
Welcome to reality Avenue my name is Amy would and I'm a family counselor
with the Office of prevention and the school board of Broward County.
My name is Patrick Chalmers of a family counselor with the broad County school
board today's topic is self esteem psychologist the fire itself
is seen as a sense of self confidence in the overall assessment
of when he was a person oftentimes the way to appraise assault
will determine the most of your behavior and hot on the will perceive
you as well.
Self esteem is important even if you've never thought about it reflected on it
it will affect your life in every way having strong self
esteem insurers, your best and most successful life.
The group is going to share with us their thoughts and feelings regarding
times in their lives when they had low self-esteem.
I think a lot of promise of steam is when you have low self esteem like the
domino effect when you feel good everything, good heavens and then we
have low self-esteem, it seems like everything is just going wrong and you
just fall deeper into that hate myself what's wrong with me and
I think it's a good point but I think that it's not that when you have high
self-esteem, good things happen the at things still happen. But what
is look at them feel a point of view so it helps you deal
with things a lot. You know better.
We all like to say look we don't care what other people think but sometimes
it's just easier said that done you know I could be reports how other people feel
about us. That intelligence lead to how we feel about ourselves,
but it's interesting how people see what you think you I exact
they start to believe it. So you don't feel good about yourself people
were will see that and they were not think much of you because you're showing
that you know is security inside of use
so it's it's you know something that you can actually control
little bit you know a
I don't think you can ever fully be flexed the negative influence around you
even if you have high self-esteem I think it's still going to affect you
it's just how you deal with it afterward tell you how how fast you
recover from it of acting out with me I had very low
self-esteem for a while and it was in the early,
you know teams. And I'm a very had she ever.
And he was like I would ask myself a lot more than what people would even Mike
pence and I would get Daniels like night and I didn't ask you for
having us get more more silent, Leno asked myself for even more than that and
I would get there and he was like no no it's not enough you need to you know any
would be constant pressure. Yeah, I sow
I think the original source of self esteem is basically from your parents
because when you're younger and a lot of us at the start when we were younger,
there's not really that much that can affect you other than your parents.
That's really hard because you feel that your self esteem but to
me I think that the first step is to
realize you know you that you write that
you are not Ali yourself that much and that there are good
things in you that you need to emphasize. That's like the first thing
to me but it's something that really takes time and patience
and they come up and down several times to you stay up.
You know, yeah and so I think in another way you can help the love yourself.
He was like just like get involved with something as soon as like
that with me as soon as I got into a drama there I was
really interested into it and and I just I just started to feel better about
myself and things started it and so I think it's also I don't
even think I realize that have low self-esteem until I got to wear head
higher office. You feel you could tell it the difference from the because
we like you're at that point you feel like so bad, but that
again you don't feel like it's that bad yet it has that until like you get
to the high point we feel so much better and then you're like wow I didn't really
you know feel that good a couple months ago. Years ago to just like
you know, and I know, I'm doing something right to out of a lot better
about myself.
What it would be that much time to like. For today, I'm
going to 5 people a compliment my you know if someone tells you allow your
hair looks really good to their I love the shoes, you're wearing, you know it
makes you feel that much better about them and us off a little more you know
poser people and I think that if you just give someone
a common trait is not to do anything to yourself you not to lose anything by you
can really be someone else out any of that.
A lot of things this office team, the hardest part is that can
go up and down so easily but I think it's just like an ongoing process
like how you're saying that you're still in the process. I think everyone is
still in the process of trying to make themselves have here don't forget that.
The group had a clear understanding of what self esteem was and also
enjoyed how they express the negative impact it will pour self-esteem may
have for the question is how do you bill and self esteem, the first
thing you have to do is to of knowledge that you have a self-esteem problem
secondly, believe that you can improve on the self esteem for
yourself with like minded people also
accept your strengths do not focus on the weaknesses often
time to focus on the weaknesses and also
remember that focus on your past
successes because often time you pass excess will enable you say,
yes, I can do it and that will foster a
conquering spirit in you.
Another self esteem building scale is self talk so
often we hear negative things from the outside or we talk to ourselves
we look in the mirror we go. But I hate my nose, instead say,
but I love my ice if someone says to you you're stupid and I don't like
you say to yourself, I'm some part I like myself the way I
am remain optimistic that things will
always happen to us, but it's those that focus on the positive that
lead a happy and healthy life and finally take good care of yourself
when you feel bad don't turn to things like drinking drugs smoking instead
exercise and eat well they will go a long way to making you feel better.
Self esteem is not an end product, but a
process Rinaldo Hill of the Miami
Dolphins and Taylor are going to tell us of the process that they
went through in their lives in developing their self esteem.
There is a time or you know I was can down was a
freshman in college.
I couldn't really I can play the hero of the partial qualifier at set out
and you know it was one of things where I could practice with the team
that could play with the tape and I felt like you know they
were getting all the gifts, you know where their of the equipment to travel
there were getting all those perks of doing of things, especially moment,
freshman class and I just didn't know what to do it, you know was on the team
was not on the team, I did all the practice in all of our work with the
team, but I wasn't getting it. The US that they would get
as far as going on the trips you know getting the cds different city
planning is the team's and I really had to check myself
first have realized that I put myself in this position when
not you know becoming eligible my part and then just realizing
that you know it's not it's not just.
It might be now, but it won't be forever that I need to continue working
to get better so when my time comes I can be a part of this
team and not just be a part of the team but help affected team
and that that that took me you know reaching out to my mom's you
know because a lot of people didn't know that I was down. You know they
will see me is I will say everything was OK but really it was it.
I think the time of my life or I struggle most was a
self esteem is probably like the last he's a middle school.
I just felt so bad about myself.
So I resulted in self enduring and
because I felt like um I didn't love
myself and that when other people are mean I would punish myself.
People telling that you can't you know try to turn into positives that can do
this I can you know become a football player and I had that
growing up all my life, you know people say and I was too small can do this
can do that and I would say I'll show you you know, I know what I can do
I know my abilities and I was going to use that as few to get to get
me to my next level.
Things I heard my self esteem would be
when someone would say something mean my
growing up I've always been short my whole life but growing up I was chubby
so as always I call you're fat or things like that and that
hurts because I'm always hurts one set someone says something
mean.
I would if it's a self esteem has to be earned.
I said the Pa the from the positive reinforcement you get in life
to what you put into it the work you put into it it takes a it
takes more than just you're going out and say and saying that
you feel confident about just it's what you do as well for
me going out in the parent each week, you know for me
hear my mom say you can do it all those are factors in any building,
my self-esteem up and also about take the negative as. Well,
hey you can't do it oh, yes, I can take and everything that
is thrown at me and transform it into the person I want to be
in life.
Something seen can be given it has to be
earned because growing up your parents are always in Antalya ill
all your the best can you're so smart.
You can do anything but if you don't apply himself and prove yourself that
you can do it. It's not like that like
I've been working for my dad since I was probably 10 years old in the warehouse
and I always see like I paid for my cell phone since I was in 5th grade and
just like the data list all my friends, but with that I've learned
the budget my money, I know that I can handle tasks that I
do jobs that adults could deal so I feel good about myself that I could
support myself when I'm older and makes me happy that and doing something
and I'm responsible as opposed to media can't just give
me things are saying wow you're great I proved that while I really am
responsible I am smart I'm like prove it not just someone
saying.
Setting those a big part of my life. I guess it made it a
a little bit easier that I had somebody growing up to watch to follow an
older brother who is taking the same route that I was so my
go pretty much was to see everything that he was doing and
and to learn from his mistakes so I would make the same mistakes.
Setting and achieving goals plays a major role for me from myself uh C.
Throughout my life, one of my strong points is always bend
like my Scholastic's I've always been pretty good in school
since I was little so like when I work
hard for a test or something where do well in school, I feel
good about myself because I chief something that I really wanted and so
in sounds funny, but my grade III to the outside when you get a good grade in you
work for something you feel good about yourself and also like getting
a job and working for your money that money you feel good. I earned this
money and go shopping in this is my money and I worked hard to get and you
just feel great about yourself when you can say that you've done something and
accomplish the goal.
Awesome find a positive reinforcement in your life and I
try to always you know learn from that
person because you know was am my brother's like the semi brothers
to look up to their eyes there they were in positive force in my life
to help them assess the steam saying you can do this you're better to not what I
was and just that little bit you know I took it and ran
with it say about the thinks I'm better than I have to start believing that I'm
better than him and this what I want to do to get better and then
you also have the negative he is going to be there. I can
tell you that it won't Bihar but try to take that negative
and in turn into positive take that a ticket as a kid, you know
you too small enough fast enough you can play this game
and I know I can play this game. So I'm just going you that feel
and I'm not going to be arrogant when it when I see down the row later, but
this actually going to go up to you and thank you for for telling me
that I couldn't do it because it made me a stronger person and and
I'm able to see because of you.
I think ways I would help to increase your self esteem would be.
And everyone says this and it sounds ridiculous. But when you look in here
tell yourself you're beautiful, you know like try to look at the good
things don't look at the bad things because everybody has that
you see models on TV you're like wow, they're perfect but everybody has
something bad about them so it's important to look at the good things
about yourself. Another thing like I said is to
set goals and when you cough listen, you'll feel good about yourself and also
even just smiling and being nice to other people will be nice back
to when you feel good about yourself that you've been friendly and have the
time your friends.
I will tell the parents to definitely encouraging kids just
just a little words that you say that you can do it here to get the best.
Just those little words affected my life and the format. Now
the NFL player do exactly what I want to do in all this took
was a couple were to say. You can you
can be with anything want to be ally and it takes you a long
way it did is something that I can go back to my mom
and town near worries that I was going to plan and a failure
to me it happened exactly like you said.
What I would recommend to parents watching to increase their kids
self-esteem is to help them find things they enjoy and that they're
good at me selling on like sports athletes soccer, and
my parents always pushing every year to be the city's actually because outplayed
game coli, even no matter how bad a softer how great
I was just after the game I block tickle, I felt so good about
myself, wow I did a great job and played a great game, so sports
so finding something you're good at it or in school can gradually and when they
got a great great and definitely it's really important to tell your kids
when they do something good and not because I know a lot of times parents
tell you the bad things you do and not the good things and sometimes only he
feel down on yourself.
When all the Intel had similar thoughts in terms of House office teen
it's something that you have to work hard for you must take the initiative in
combating up or self esteem and always
remember always remember never to
compare yourself to someone else. Everybody is unique and different and
we all have something special to offer.
And not just comparing yourself in terms of outcomes your grades
your experiences, your accomplishments, but never compare
your insides to someone elses outsides you are going to feel doubts
and other people will look like they have it all together but those
that need to portray that. They're perfect to others usually are
deeply insecure if the real confident person that can show
their faults and can work on improving themselves.
Now I'd like to do star expert David Harvin he's a former principal
and a youth minister and he's going to start by telling us exactly what
is self esteem.
Cephus seems very simply Hopper says sees themself
have a value, themself and the birth they have and that sales
is that simple.
It's a process you can T to develop us team as you continue to grow
you will have a strong Foundation where as you say, OK, I feel
good about myself.
I have my values, I know that you know
certain all my values on wavering so I believe what I believe in but the move
forward, but as you open up to grow you
understand it you can still build on those values still bill to become better
than what you are.
The way you have built a person's set the scene that's been trampled
by a lot of negative negative comments over over the years is one
you have to find something genuine about them that you truly love
those people in most cases they may need some type of serious counts in this is
but as it relates to what we can do on on the surface.
Doctor John Maxwell who was a leadership group says you use the wider than one
percent rule that these that you find one person one thing about that person
that you like the most that you agree upon the give a 100% effort most
people just need to be from the some way shape or form is
not necessarily that they need to be affirmed or receive positive comments
and feedback about every aspect of the lies. But if you can find that one thing
that you genuine about
then you can really help that person to start the cycle of turning from
poor self-esteem to more positive self esteem.
The first I think as he because it that everything they say
will eventually have an impact on the child be a positive
or the negative and I don't think a lot of pants with a realize that
I think as you you get started in your normal days,
single parents for instance, you know they're working some working 2 jobs
child to support the children.
They're trying to do the very best they can to have the child went with school
work that is so much more difficult than what it was and when we went school
and they they have these frustrations so they come home and they still have to
cook they still have to clean it still have to to raise the children, I
don't think there with the CAA the scent of the interaction that they have with
their kids and because of that cognizant of that they might say some things
that negative that may be detrimental. So the first thing that they perceive
the need to do is be aware of what they say
secondly, I think parents need to really take time to affirm
their children to
not necessarily over do it.
But are they at least let them know that their children are loved
that they care for them
that they support their endeavors as of these to athletic events so
Scholastic Lee and that did support them
also spiritually that they need to be a very strong spiritual stronghold
there in the home and secondly, and thirdly I'm sorry pearce's
need to be there. A lot of parents and not
kids are raising themselves these days have been raised by you know the TV
by the Internet by video games. Pairs
just need to be there really take that quality time to spend with the children
and that's a quality time and that's it you set out a certain time to spend with
your child understand it when you go into the grocery store we take your kids
to school what your conversations we eating when the conversations
that you have with the kids when you're if you're able to go to the
park. What are the conversations that you're having with your with your
children that's quantity time.
When you feel good about yourself.
You don't feel that anything
is impossible.
You can accomplish absolutely and positively anything and
understand that all you have to do is take certain that a particular steps
to accomplish your goal.
I don't believe that people who have poor self-esteem feel that way I think
they see the mountain top.
I don't believe that they can really reach it.
Those to have a positive self esteem they see the mountain top
and then they start taking one step at a time
to make it to the pinnacle
they understand that they're going to face a lot of problems a lot of
hardships they understand along the way as they climb to they have to stop
the mass understand that as a client that it may slip
and fall back to one that you have to climb again, but
they understand that they can reach that goal because they believe that
everything is possible.
I actually enjoy with David have to show that he was very inspirational
you also created a sense of urgency for pass to spend time with their children
oftentimes say to people is not the amount of time that you spend with the
child or rather the quality of time how does it sound
like how does it feel like and how does it look like that quality
of time it was that Wichita will help secure the healthy self-esteem and your
child's life.
Build the foundation upon which we build our lives some of us are lucky
enough to have parents who build a strong Foundation many of us are not so
we have to shore up our own self-esteem and build that Foundation upon
which we build the rest of our lives having that strong Foundation
will ensure that we have are most happy and successful life.
And I'm Patrick Thomas. Thank you for joining us today on today's program
as we conclude we're going to go to the street and hear from people as they
conclude the following sentences.
5 fire crews, myself, a standby.
Basically by keeping myself connect with God and knowing that whatever
I do with his love of bad he has my back.
By Justin nicely sometimes got to treat
yourself, you can cheat yourself, you have to set goals you have
to realize that you have to squeeze in fun with old the hard work
and you have to you have to give yourself play time.
But associate to move people that of going at people
who seem like they they're ready to achieve and if you stick with that group
that is on the up and up at least 20 Iraqis and to the Beacon radio
station to be lot of influential because it kind of rubs
off on you when you do that.
I having anybody negative.
The thing I love most about myself is that I feel I'm a very caring
person and a person who own this home.
I'm honest from Gore and stated in.
And outgoing person.
For further information or if you would care to attend a workshop about this
topic or any other shows please contact the Office of prevention
programs at 754-321-2568
or go to our website at Broward prevention dot org.